That said, last night I dreamt that Jessica Alba and I made out in her Malibu mansion. Yes, crazy, yet believable, and inevitable.
Here’s the scoop before you see it in People.
I had just sat down on this beautiful beige couch inside Jessica Alba’s parlor. There was a black metal staircase to my left, a water-fountain to my right, and huge pane windows on all sides of the room. The stairway led to a partial balcony above us, and in the background I could hear a few of my friends chatting away. I was talking with Jessica. She wasn’t prego, and was definitely not married but only engaged. I distinctly knew she was spoken for, so I wasn’t putting on any of my moves (had I done so, Jessica wouldn’t have been able to resist for as long as she did. Obviously). We continued engaging in witty banter much like that found in her stellar films i.e. The Eye, Good Luck Chuck, Deep Blue Sea, etc. I noticed she kept looking at me, how do you say, longingly? Hungrily? I paid this no attention, other than the brief synapse of acknowledgement in my cerebrum, and continued explaining some intricate theory she was so obviously interested in. This continued for awhile, until finally, when I turned again to face her from glancing behind me, her gaze fell to my deliciously vanilla lips (plug for Melaleuca lip balm. You’re welcome, Frank). And that’s when she lunged at me. Our lips engaged eachother, like they were yin and yang. I ran my hand through her auburn hair, and closed my eyes wondering if this was a dream. When I realized it was, it didn’t matter that she was engaged, since there would be no regrets when I woke up. Plus, in a dream, there is no moral high ground. And who says no to a kiss from Jessica Alba?
We moved things to the bathroom (it was really a nice, expensive and clean bathroom) and continued to partake of the sweet carnal nectar. She said that since she saw me, she couldn’t keep from wanting me. I said that it was obvious what her feelings were. The kissing that ensued was much like that found in the scene of Wanted where Angelina kisses James Mcavoy in slo mo with rocking music going on in the background. Well played Ben. Well played.
Then I woke up. Most times, if Im in a good dream, I’ll try to go back to sleep, but in this case our sewage system was on the frits and the plumber had just arrived. So I couldn’t return to my castle in a cloud.
No matter, it’s a prophetic dream, I just know it.