Disclaimer: The author of BitchinFilmReviews.com begged me to watch this film so he could “do a review on his movie blog”, so because I’m a good guy, I consented. Also, you can read Cinder’s review here.
Twilight made for a great parody of a drama. Unknowingly, the director made a comedy. The film really plays out like some sort of extended Saturday Night Live Short. What’s amazing, and to me, what exposes what the book actually is (crappy mcrap), is that the movie is extremely accurate to the written account by Stefanie Meyers (a BYU alum. Go Cougs!). That is, a melodramatic compliment-fest between a several hundred year old vampire and a seventeen year old. They’re so in love. They’d die for eachother after only knowing eachother for a few weeks. Please. Bella, you’re seventeen. Are you really going to let Edward make you a vampire for all eternity based on a high school crush? Only like 4% of high school crushes work out.
The first scene that revealed the depth of the film was when Bella sees Edward in the science lab. Edward looks as if he’s about to puke, and covers his mouth. We (the theater audience) laughed. Literally laughed. He then exits rudely.
Another fun scene is during a flashback, when Edward is christened a vampire (pun intended. Get it? Christened a vampire? Christened the spawn of satan? haha!). Carlyle sniffs around Edward’s Choleric and sweaty neck and takes a nice big bite out of him like he was at the Golden Corral. Edward writhes in pain. It was so awkward and funny.
Also, Edward sneaks into Bella’s room and watches her sleep. Give me an fing break. That is so creepy.
Or that Edward’s skin is made of…diamonds? Meyers I’m sure was as surprised as I am at the success of her series.
There is a major difference in character believability and development between Twilight (I can only comment on the first book which I read and its movie) and the Harry Potter series (which I read all and have seen all films thus far). That difference is stark. Potter would definitely kick Edward’s centurial ass. Beyond that, even though wizards and witches is about as believable as vampires at first glance, Rowling builds a world not singly on a love addiction of a girl, but on a lonely and different boy who has many different areas of exploration for the reader i.e. sports (quittage), education (Hogwarts), revenge (Voldemort), not to mention love tension (Hermione, Cho, Ron’s little sister,). Where Meyers spent the first 300 pages tripping over herself to talk about Bella’s crush on Edward and Edward’s uncontrollable love/sex/hunger for Bella, Rowling throws Potter’s love interest into the mix and lets it simmer on low. Meyers finally introduces a rising tension in the plot about the last fifty pages (or last ten minutes of the movie, right after the ridiculous baseball game in the middle of the forest where Edward and his buddy jump fifty feet into the air and collide with eachother). Rowling introduced Voldemort from the first chapter. And it took seven books to develop to the orgasmic ending.
What scares me, is that after the success of Twilight, Meyer’s publishers decided she didn’t need any editing for her books. Whoa. What? (I will also mention the numerous spelling errors in the book. Maybe she didn’t have an editor for the first one either).
In other words, Twilight will get you a few laughs, or if you just are a sucker for ridiculous, unbelievable stories about passionate and overbearing puppy love, then you may like the movie.
My guess is you won’t.